On the Path to Normalcy

Depending on how I look at it, everything is either on the path to getting normal, or I am getting used to this abnormal state of being.

The other night was the first night since 02/10 that I managed to fall asleep w/out the background noise of a random TV series. Further more, last night was the first night in which I slept and did not wake up full of anxiety. I still woke up at 0300 in the morning, but the waking wasn’t horrble.

Nothing new has happened legally, still in a holding pattern waiting for a meeting between lawyers. All the other paperwork has been filed in so much as there are no more deadlines or forced court dates. My lawyer had previously told me that we could be in this state for months, possibly beyond the length of my current lease; which is up in August.

I can’t do a whole lot around the house. Outside of being fundamentally broke; I have $24.42 left over after bills and paying down credit card debts this paycheck, so I can’t actually do much around the house in so far as stuff. There is no telling whom will get what in regards to personal property, so even boxing things up more or less invites a situation in which I need to do complicated inventory tracking of every box to locate anything that will eventually go to my spouse. So for now the only thing I can really do is clean and try to make it feel less like some sort of aftermath of a life once lived.

On the finances side of things, I received a notification of my credit going further and further down; I have lost ~100 points since a year ago do to unpaid balances on accounts that I was told were paid. I pulled up my free credit report and found out that my spouse had previously added me as an authorized users on all of their other credit cards, and they had just failed to make a payment on one of them, so I received a notification. I also found out that they have managed to incur some $6916 in debts between 2 of these cards since they left on 02/10. So it looks like they took on almost $7k in more debt in in the last 42 days, after walking away with $7.5k in funds from our checking; not including the $3k in cash that may or may not still be in the safe that I still have not managed to gain access to.

My spouse and our youngest are now 2600 miles away, and I assume they have no funds since my spouse is not making the minimum payments on their credit cards, so it seems likely that neither of them is working. At this point it looks like they are completely at the whim of whomever they are staying with, and whomever that is does not appear to be paying my spouse’s credit cards.

This raises another concern. Our youngest, whom is now a high school drop-out, is still logging into the gaming networks almost daily; they apparently don’t read their messages on this one because they have not blocked me yet nor replied to my messages. I am not certain why they have not taken their GED test and shipped out to the USCG like they originally planned. There is litterately no reason for our youngest to be sitting around playing video games instead of moving on with their life. If our youngest had taken the GED test and shipped out, then that at least would have reduced the financial burden on my spouse, so why has this not happened?

What the heck is going on? Are neither of them working? Did my spouse think the divorce would be done and over within a month? Do they not understand that this could drag on for half-a-year? Are they waiting on some random idea that eventually I will have to pay all their back expenses and legal fees and they can just play video games until then? Has my spouse decided to discourage our youngest from starting their “great adventure” on some misguided idea that they will be entitled to more money from me so long as youngest, and 18 year old adult, is still with them? Does my spouse think that by having our youngest with them that that makes our youngest their dependent even though my spouse isn’t working or paying for anything?

Does my spouse really not realize the scope of irresponsibility in everything they have done? That they can’t just lie about our last conversation, the state of finances, the state of our relationship, walk away with $7k-$10k in funds, drag our accounts into negative, allow our youngest to drop out of highschool months before graduation and pocrastinate getting them their GED and signing up for the USCG … they can’t do these things and and then ask for short-term maintenance and legal fees be covered? That so long as I am paying down the debts that will eventually be divided between both of us, that they will not be receiving any maintenance, because I can not afford any form of maintenance until at least half the debts are transferred to my spouse? Do they really think that they could pay off their debts with our community funds and just walk away from the rest of our shared finanacial obligations? That they created a situation that they may be in for months and that they have to get a job and get their finances in order, which was the very thing they were told they needed to do when they chose to leave. That choice, to either keep living as they where and that I would refuse to call it a relationship, or get a job .. so now they have to get a job, and no amount of twisting the story and leaving out the facts will change that.

Did they not read the Temporary Restraining Order and understand that the rules laid out are to enforce responsible behavior on both parties? Did my spouse read these and not understand that their existing actions, before they even filed for divorce, already demonstrated bad behvior/decorum/faith on their part and likely in the eyes of the court?

How far will my spouse go to hide their head in the sand and pretend that everything is fine? How many people will they avoid talking to? How long do they really think our children will go before they eventually talk to the rest of our family? Their grandparents, aunts, friends of the family?

Does my spouse really want our children to avoid talking to everyone simply to maintain their deception?

What happens when it all comes crumbling down and my spouse realizes that there is very little likelihood of them receiving almost anything they asked for, that any maintenance will be supplimental to a paycheck that they need to go get, that they are going to receive 50% of the $55k in debts as they stood before they walked away with $7k-$10k of our shared funds? Will they have a moment of lucidity and realize that they are looking at possibly taking on $30k in debt, and only receiving small supplimental maintenance package? That all their “moving across country” and legal expenses are on them and not me?

Trying to understand this world view is just so difficult for me, if not impossible.