Is It All Just High School Melodrama?

I have spent quite a bit of time the last couple of days discussing these events with a close and personal friend. Once again I find myself overwelmed by how much simple conversation means to me. I worry I word vomiting all my thoughts to people simply due to a lack of any ability to periodically release the pent up emotions, so instead it all comes rushing out of the spillway.

Anyway … During our conversation last nigtt I have a sort of weird moment in which I re-invisioned this whole series of events through the framing of simple High School Melodrama. At which point the whole thing seems to be follow the rather cliche:

You are breaking up with me? You can’t break up with me! I am breaking up with you first!

And you know these things I bought you? I am taking those back!

And these things you bought me? I am keeping them!

And our friends? They are my frinds now, not yours!

It is sort of sad, but I can’t tell if this sort of pattern is normal even as adults, or if my spouse really still operates in this, admittedly, immature mind set. Maybe if we had ever been able to talk about, well anything really, then maybe we would have been able to work this out as responsible adults.

I admit, I was very frustrated during our second conversation on 01/05 about what path we were going to take moving forward. I was hurt that my spouse had chosen to move forward with the idea of sitting around the house, freedom to do nothing, no more need for communication, free room and board, and that they were willing to just abandon everything.

Yes I had already told them that I felt it was over, that we were not on a path to recovery, that it was insanely difficult to find the ability to trust them, that they continued to deceive me and lie to me, that we weren’t communicating, and that they were making promises that they regularly broke. But I also still wanted it to work, I wanted it to be a wake up call. I wanted us to have a timer, a date, that said “Hey! Time is running out! We have to be serious about this.” In many ways I felt like there was this ever growing normalacy in the distrust, in the silence, and in the entire idea of getting used to living in such a negative environment. Yes, I was hurt when my spouse chose to continue that path during our first conversation, so during our second conversation I asked them several times, “Are you certain?”, “You understand what you are saying right?”. Their only reply was “Like you said, this is the way you feel I have been acting, so let’s try it out.”

In that moment I didn’t think there was a way they could have hurt me more. To just accept that our relationship was hollow and meaningless, and that they were willing to move forward with a hollow and meaningless living environment… simply to avoid getting a job? Was this all about money and avoiding work?

Then came 02/10, and my spouse demonstrated how much more hurtful they could be.

While I was thinking about all of this I got an email notice stating that a recovery attempt had been attempted on the bank account used to receive funds from the US Government (COVID relief funds, IRS Tax returns, you know, the basics). Upon closer inspection I found out that my spouse had successfully changed the password, recovery phone number, and recovery email address for the account.

Out of curiosity I tried to login to our tax filing website only to find out that that login information, as well as the recovery information, has all been changed to my spouses phone number and private email account. After doing a full account recovery I have confirmed that my spouse finished filing our returns on 02/22, 12 days after they left and 1-2 days after they filed for a divorce. The filing for the divorce automatically triggered a Temporary Restraining Order which prevents a whole slew of financial manuevering (all of which my spouse had already done), though I am not entirely certain if this violates that. ~Still, they then proceeded to direct the refund to a private account, and according to the IRS, my spouse should have received the return by now.~

Update: This was a paranoid assumption on my part. While my spouse did sign on my behalf without my permission and 12 days after we were separated, they did not attempt to divert the funds. The Tax Return check did arrive here and I deposited it into the checking account that had a negative balance, though the return wasn’t large enough to bring the account positive.

Now, my spouse and I were separated as of 02/10, and I was trying to figure out what to do about our tax filings and was leaning towards filing for an extension and then waiting until the divorce decision to figure out whom should receive the return. Instead, my spouse has filed taxes on my behalf without my knowledge. ~and directed the refunds to a private bank account that I have no access to.~ I was not really certain what to do about this as I strongly suspect this is tax fraud. After some research I ended up filing an Return Preparer Complaint with the IRS and left a message with my lawyer.

Is this what it looks like when High School Melodrama becomes about taking pictures from the walls, cash from the accounts, and seeing how many friends you can walk away with?

Was our life worth so little that it can be exchanged for actions so petty?