Do not go gentle into that good night

Every attempt has been made to anonymize the identities of all parties involved.

I am actively going through the process of disolving my marriage of 25 years with my spouse. This process would normally be understandably painful, but it has been made a nightmare due to actions taken by my spouse. Further more, my spouse has made every effort to silence me, misleading our children, our family, and our friends; attempting to paint a narritve which is simply not true.

Currently all 3 of our children and our local friends have blocked my phone, though one of our children only seems to have blocked me recently as they had been responding at one point. Further more, 2 of my children have removed me as a friend on the online gaming network we all play on together.

This site was created to reclaim the voice my spouse tried to take away from me. To document events, hopefully, as unbiased as possible. And to tell my side of this story. Maybe one day my family and friends will read this and understand.

At this time I have a request in with my lawyer for my spouse to hand over copies of specific information which would disprove my spouse’s claims. Unfortunately, my lawyer feels that, given my spouse’s demonstrated behavior, they will have already deleted the information or at the very least have altered it to fit their narritive.

The blog posts contained in this site have been written to match the timeline of events as they happened starting from events on 02/10 and all events after that horrible day. I have taken the time to go over all emails, text messages and SMS messages, trying to reconstruct a complete history. This process has been incredibly painful as I find myself reliving the mental anguish with each post.

Unpacking the Declaration

The Respondent published on 2023-04-17

Soo .. I have sat down to try to write this a number of times, and every time it has resulted in an anxiety attack. Somehow my spouse is finding new and improved ways to make this whole situation worse. My spouse has requested a temporary motion in order to start receiving funds, of which there are none, but for some reason my spouse seems to believe that if they can convince the court then funds will magically manifest.

Worse Is Better

The Respondent published on 2023-04-15

So therapy is doing good, the talking is good. I always knew I needed the conversation, I love conversation, but I didn’t know how much it was missing my life. I used to talk to anyone, about anything. I even made games of it when I was younger, a game I find myself playing again. I just always needed to talk, and I am finally getting a chance to re-establish that back in my life, after so many years of being ignored.

The Pill

The Respondent published on 2023-03-30

I had my first therapy session the other day, which once again, disssolved into a river of tears on my part. The talk was good, the therapist wants me to focus less on long-term “big picture” goals and more on small, workable goals I can achieve in the near term; easily achievable successess, benchmarks. Things to help re-establish my new reality. Considering that I haven’t been getting much sleep in the last 7 weeks, and I spend most days in a state of anxiety, I was also directed to make an appointment with my Primary Care Provider about getting script for something for anxiety+depression and see if that helps with the insomnia.

Sometimes Good Things Make It Hurt More

The Respondent published on 2023-03-27

Had some local friends over, as well as some friends whom drove for some 5 hours to come hang out and help out around the house. Overall it was a great time. Good food, good friends, good drinks. Much of the conversation was oriented around the situation unfolding in my life, with quite a bit of it discussing past episodes of similar behavior from my spouse, as well as other behavior.

On the Path to Normalcy

The Respondent published on 2023-03-24

Depending on how I look at it, everything is either on the path to getting normal, or I am getting used to this abnormal state of being. The other night was the first night since 02/10 that I managed to fall asleep w/out the background noise of a random TV series. Further more, last night was the first night in which I slept and did not wake up full of anxiety.

Is It All Just High School Melodrama?

The Respondent published on 2023-03-14

I have spent quite a bit of time the last couple of days discussing these events with a close and personal friend. Once again I find myself overwelmed by how much simple conversation means to me. I worry I word vomiting all my thoughts to people simply due to a lack of any ability to periodically release the pent up emotions, so instead it all comes rushing out of the spillway.